Wooooooey, it’s a hot one here today! It’s also been a while since I’ve given you any wacky wine gadgets to drool over. That makes two good reasons to do a little roundup of super cool wine cooling… coolers. I don’t actually have one (I’m a little worried about the bottles hiding out on my floor), and would actually prefer a custom-built cellar with secret passageways. But, you know, if someone wanted to give me a wine refrigerator, I’d think I’d be OK with any of the following:
They call it the “Ultimate Home Entertainer’s Tool.” I call it common sense. Who doesn’t want (up to three) beer taps next to their wine collection?
“The GE Monogram Walk-In Wine Vault offers stainless steel walls and doors, a touch-screen console with label scanner, inventory software database, and redwood racks that can handle more than 1,000 bottles (singles, magnums and crates).” Oh. Yeah. Throw in a retina-scanning security feature and I’m all over that.
I just want to mention that one of GE’s smaller models features “privacy glass.” You can turn the glass door from transparent to opaque when company comes… so your wine doesn’t get embarrassed.
It only holds 18 bottles, which is silly, but I would be pretty happy to have 18 bottles of bubbly in the house at all times. Also, their description is just so poetic: “The glide-out racks, fronted in gleaming stainless steel, are wider and deeper to gently cradle champagne bottles. Recessed lighting elegantly showcases your collection.” I’m a sucker for copy.
And because I was sorely disappointed with the lack of fun features on most the fridges I found, I’ve come up with a list of add-ons for my ideal wine storage compartment. Maybe someone could start working on these.
– Programmable tags indicating who gave me the wine and when.
– A function that shoots out the perfect bottle when I tell it what I’m having for dinner. (My taste preferences pre-programmed first, of course, and kept separate from Oren’s.)
– Alarm to deter wine-thieves. Preferably one that says, “Wine thief, you’ve met your match,” and then shoots corks at their face.
– Mood music upon opening. And a voice greeting me with a French accent. No, British.
– A one-glass-at-a-time pouring and storage function for bottles I don’t finish.
– Nibbles. I like to eat while I decide what to drink.